That’s it. End of the road. You just have no idea what has happened to you, do you?
So somethings have happened.
Nowadays it seems like there exists some kind of calm in unhappiness that it’s almost unimaginable to pass a day without it. It’s permanency in recent times are a concern. Earlier, I used to think it’s because of some perennial gap due to unmet satisfaction, but on closer reflection, it just seems like there just can’t be peace anymore that can be bought so cheaply like from a Rs. 10 Milkybar or stolen that easily like those times when it used to rain in Madras, the whole city gets flooded and you host paperboat races with Giri and his brother from FLAT 50/3. Everything has to pass through this mind. There just can’t be one side that’s winning. People won’t just shut up. It’s not raining that frequently. I want to walk in knee-deep water now! Maybe it’s because you don’t shut up. That is, I don’t shut up. Somewhere ago, I think I played the wrong ball again and this time the ball is stuck with goo.
Things are stuck like fevicol left-overs.
I love people. You know those simple logical fellows trying to be humble every chance they get? That guy who is waiting to get married just to hide his fundamental insecurities of not striking love? “Hey you know love marriages are overrated machi. Arranged is not that bad. Its about following traditions. Also all this atheism and all is just to look cool. They will read a couple of books and put off so much scene. They don’t know anything. Dostoyevsky Doy soap bajji Mannangatti. See this blogpost? My intelligent uncle who graduated from IIT-IIM knows so much about religion and he also feels the same. People should be allowed to believe whatever they want. Listen, I am going to write a blogpost on my proud tradition, I’ll see you later okva?” and..You know that guy with many friends, marrying into the money with a fat dowry and also posting links about rape in FB? “What a shame to this country! I am ashamed to be a man. Here take scissors, cut my penis.” My favourite common-forever-alone-guy who (also a Calvin and Hobbes fan) constantly worries, “When do I get to take couple pics and upload pics? Nowadays not only the no. of likes matter, but the rate at which you are getting your likes also matter. Competition yaar. When is my chance to go to Bali on honeymoon?” Or that girl who just finds her lover in the right caste, speaking the right language, so righteous. Perfectly arranged love marriage. Or that good-looking friend of yours who is constantly worried about his hair and skin, who says “Dude, who will marry man? Fuck, I just can’t imagine it, I just want a trophy wife”. I just found out that pretty people are happy because they are pretty. Or that girl who just has that boyfriend so she can tell her friends that she’s dooinit dooinit. “We did it in the car on the way to Pondy. It was so wild! No wait, it was Goa.” Or that friend who uses his friend’s failure for his own ego boost. Hehehe.
Things are people happening.
I am yearning back to become emotional, feel stupidly special and impart misdirected self-importance to me to tingle that dormant ego. I want to cook up my own world, (that’s right, where is my world?) make opinions thinking that they matter, make people listen to me and make them care because that’s what gets the game going right? “I mean why don’t you watch EPL or IPL or atleast just accept Sachin and ARR or at least one is God da, you are useless!” I don’t know man, it just seems the world is spinning too fast for this one, this me. Somehow commerce has made everything personal, impersonal. A public equity. If you say everything that strikes your numb head to everyone every minute then who is your muse? Which is why this blog-post is sitting here and talking to itself for like um..now it’s been a month. There is just no time to gaze, even before that, all that’s done is shared and diluted.
People make things happen.
I am fascinated about people becoming snobs because they possess above par knowledge. With information openly shared in the internet, all you need is someone to analytically apply and seed-in the most regarded opinion and there you go, you’ve got the next blogger who can educate (hey look! I know so many things am so awesome and mature) and amuse you to all glory. I call this knowledgeable gajabujagangzz. Educated trying to educate others. Somewhere in between many interesting things happen. Someone giving advice on what actually actually rape is. Someone trying to cheekily articulate his knowledge and masturbate his ego in a licensed moral ground. Some digging up mud somewhere to prove that Laad Krishna was on this heavenly, blessed Earth. Someone who watched a lot of Seth Rogen movies trying to act like him. Someone who is analytically pursuing to prove that Sachin is actually actually a legend. Someone who is trying so hard to not sound dumb. Self importance cognitively translated to group importance and the whole all is one,one is all card. Poor me who thought social media was just a bridge, now it’s like I need to build a bridge to walk out of it all the time.
Things are things. People are people.
So that’s that. All that’s left is to come to terms with underachievement and a sea full of underwhelming cynical wonderment? Nope, maybe not. I still like Dosa. Lot of things may happen and I can control whether I can become subject to any forthcoming constraint. I hate control. It’s when as we gain control we realize how little control we have over things. I think someone said that change can be brought on by sustained logical thinking and keeping things simple, one step at a time, no need for revolutionary heroism. You know, those simple, ordinary people trying to be ordinary all the time. Yes, even that has become fashionable, thanks to Murakami maybe. I saw Cloud Atlas and Life of Pi and reason has made me indifferent to both these films. It would have been a different story five years ago. I am tired of fighting with myself.
Things have happened.
I recently got drunk with my brother. Jagermeister and Jameson. We were at a friend’s place. It was a good evening except my brother drank so much that he lost control. We were driving back home when in between he got this sudden urge to meet one of our cousins, who was in Chennai at that time. A cousin who he felt had been close to him (they belonged to the same group) when they were young but have seemingly grown apart. Of course, alcohol helped him suddenly see this. I didn’t argue much. I wanted to see him as well. But things happened when we met him. My brother made it evident that these things happen and that they shouldn’t let him grow apart from the people he used to love, things that he used to cherish. He grew so vivid with my cousin, drunk-hugging him and reminiscing constantly as I watched him in awe. I could never see myself feel that openly about someone.
Things have become pretentious.